When I was in seventh grade, I had two best friends: Ramona and Cindy. As an adult I've learned that three girls playing together can be dangerous business. Someone always has to be the odd man out. Well, Cindy and Ramona must have had some insight that I didn't have because they put me through the wringer every chance they got. If I missed school, they would make a secret pact to not speak to me for a whole day when I returned. Of course, they would each reveal this to me secretly but would make me swear not to tell the other one. This made for an interesting day. . . They both really liked the idea of being best friends but decided at some point that only two people could really be best friends. Since I was the one most easily manipulated, I ended up being the "secret best friend" of both of them, but again, I had to swear not to reveal this information. I was really bad at this game. I kept the secrets. I hid them in my gut and felt like throwing up all the time. I would even beg my parents to say "no" when either of these girls invited me over to their homes for sleepovers. What kind of a panty-waist was I????? I was (am) a people-pleaser and just wanted (want) everyone to be happy. Why can't we all just get along?? Well, Gloria is in a similar situation with the neighborhood girls only she isn't the panty-waist one. It's hard watching your kids go through crap that you went through and there just isn't much you can do about it. It is a little hard for me to be sympathetic, however, when she is doing some of the manipulating!! There are 5 girls in the neighborhood who play together pretty regularly- two of them seem able to flit in and out of the group dynamics (Kaily and Emma), two of them are pretty bossy (Hailey and Guess who?) and the other one (Allie) is trying to please the rest of them. Yesterday things came to a head as Gloria was happily playing with Allie at our house when Hailey came over and demanded that Allie come and play with her at her house. It wasn't that Gloria wasn't invited, she just didn't want to play what Hailey had in mind!! So she stubbornly let her friends walk away. I was trying not to get involved, but as Allie was walking away and stealing furtive glances back at Gloria who had her arms crossed with a scowl on her face, I was suddenly taken back to 7th grade with Cindy and Ramona. I probably stuck my nose in where it didn't belong, but I called Allie back and explained to her as lovingly as I could that she had a choice in this matter and she should do whatever she wanted to do. She explained that Hailey doesn't like Gloria and that she always has to choose one over the other. Gloria isn't real crazy about Hailey, either, because they both want to be in charge. (In my biased opinion, Hailey is way bossier than Gloria and she always gets to be the princess when they play, but hey, that's just me!) At any rate, Gloria ended up going with Allie and Hailey, agreeing to do her very best to get along with everyone. It turns out that Gloria and Hailey had a very long talk and were able to resolve many of their differences. She gave me a blow by blow account of their conversation and I was impressed by how well they tackled the issues. They were able to discuss why they don't like each other and even what they like and don't like about Allie (poor Allie!) and they agreed to each do their best to get along. I think they may even be best friends now (poor Allie!) It's hard to know as a parent when to step in and when to step back. If this is what third grade is like, I'm not really looking forward to seventh!!!
1 comment:
Oh girl!!! Wait until they are in 11th and have boyfriends!!!! I had grey hair before but now.... Holy Cow!! :-)
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