There's No Place Like Home. . . Or Is There??

Tonight I was sucker-punched by my own emotions. I hate it when that happens.

I'm not sure where to start so I'll just begin by saying that when I made the decision to home school my kids 10 years ago, I had no idea what I was getting myself into or where it might lead. Some days I pat myself on the back for a job well done and other days I kick myself in the butt for letting so many things slide.

I've known for a couple of years now that eventually Gloria would jump ship and that I would have to be prepared to let her go. I guess the mental preparation has been happening for quite some time now. I've even allowed myself to think about all of the things that I could accomplish if she spent each and every day in another place, taught by another person. And I've had guilt for feeling a little bit relieved about it. Mostly, I thought that I had accepted the fact that she needs things that I can't give her and that I'm ready to let her spread her wings, so to speak.

So, tonight we went to an open house at a Charter School that has an emphasis in the arts. I found their ad in a local magazine last week and decided to check it out. My sister had mentioned the school a couple of months ago and I kind of dismissed it but it seemed to keep coming up in random places. I talked to a few people about it, I looked at their website and Gloria and I had several good conversations about it. Anyway, I approached the whole idea kind of as a "done deal" in my mind. (I'm kind of matter-of-fact that way).

As the three of us (Me, Gloria, Rob) took a tour of the school, I started to feel really excited about the possibilities. So many of the things the school did and believed in went right along with my educational philosophies! Class sizes were small, the rooms were clustered in an odd, rambling kind of way, art was displayed on every available wall. It was a very out-of-the-box way of "doing" education. By the end of the tour I was ready to sign on the dotted line.

At this point I have to throw in a little side note (If you are reading this as someone who knows us well, this next observation won't surprise you.) :Gloria may look like me but she thinks like Rob.

That being said, when we all got back in the truck I shouldn't have been surprised that Gloria and Rob had completely different observations about the school than I did!! They wanted BIGGER classrooms. A more TRADITIONAL looking schoolroom. The art on the walls looked MESSY. Wha . . .?????

That's when my train wreck of emotions began sucker-punching me left and right (it honestly had nothing to do with the things Rob and Gloria were processing and EVERYTHING to do with my own expectations: past, present and future . . . ) For awhile it was all downhill from there as I second guessed every decision I had ever made concerning Gloria.

Fortunately this story has a happy-for-now ending. I talked to the right person at the right time (no coincidence, I'm sure) when we got to the church and she gave me some excellent comfort, wisdom and advice. (Thanks, Joyce!)

On the way home we had a very productive conversation about the whole school issue and, while we didn't come to any grand conclusions, we all agreed to keep our options and our minds open as we navigate the upcoming rivers of educational choice over the next couple of months.

I'm sure I'll keep you posted. . .