A Day.

I'm not really sure how to describe this day.  It was just kind of strange.

I took Lucy to the vet.  Her ears are yellow.  So are her eyes and her belly and her gums.  Apparently that isn't a good sign.  The vet was concerned.  Very concerned.  He even said the "C" word.  We lost Emma suddenly to the "C" word last year so we're all feeling a little bit uneasy about that but no one wants to say it out loud.  They drew some blood and we'll find out the results in the morning.  I'm sure it's nothing. . .

Gloria went to the dentist today for a filling.  She was given laughing gas and thoroughly enjoyed it.  She was dreading the visit and now she can't wait to go back.  Not sure what that means. . .

Gloria and I went to the store together when we left the vet and we walked through the store holding hands.  She's 12 and that doesn't usually happen in public.  It was nice.  She even hugged me at the cash register and said, "thank-you" and the cashier smiled surprisingly at us and said that our eyes are exactly the same. 

When we got home, Gloria and I worked together and made dinner and set the table with matching dishes.  The four of us sat together and told funny stories about our day as one thing reminded us of another.  Some of the topics were very random. 

After dinner we watched the rest of the final season of That 70's Show on Netflix.  We often joke that Rob is Red, I am Kitty, Zach is Eric and, we have finally decided, Gloria is Jackie.  Season 8 wasn't all that great but the finale' was good and made us all feel a little sad that it was over.  Even though it was on Netflix and we can watch any episode of any season at any time. 

While we watched, Lucy walked around giving each of us her tennis ball, hoping that someone would take pity on her and toss it in the air.  She is supposed to be taking it easy so she finally gave up and just stared at us with her chin resting on the ball. 

At the end of the final episode, Gloria got ready for bed, Zach and Rob cleaned up the kitchen and I sat down to write.  Gloria called me in when she was ready to be tucked in and as I walked in the door I realized she had tears in her eyes. 

"What if Lucy has cancer?"

What do you say to that when you've so recently lost a dog to cancer?  I'm choosing to be optimistic and believe that the results will lead in an entirely different direction. 

So we said our prayers and I kissed her wet cheek.  I'm sure everything will be fine. . .

Backyard Battle. . .

The Family Room. . .

Remember this???

Believe it or not, this is what it looks like now:

We still have a few details to finish up before I can post official before and after pictures but if you want to see the rest of it, come on over. . .

Pity Party For One. . .

You know how when you're in high school (even if it's been a REALLY long time) and you form certain ideals about what your life will be like?  People ask you what you're going to be and "labels" begin to form.  I was called a "writer" and a "singer" and a "math person".  Even though I entertained other fleeting ideas, I was pretty certain that my future held a diploma from NNC, a tall, handsome pastor for a husband and a career of some kind that included singing.  Well. . . that didn't happen.

I'm totally ok without the diploma from NNC.  I made my peace with that a long time ago.  I have zero regrets about not marrying a pastor (no offense to the wonderful pastors I know!).  But the singing part. . . Well, it hits me like a freight train every once in awhile and regret floods my soul. 

So how do I handle it??  Well, I spew ridiculous, irrational things, throw myself one fabulous pity party and then I cry myself to sleep.

But then I wake up in the morning and come to terms with it, thank God for all of the good people and things in my life and move on, grateful that I've reached 44 1/2 with only 1 regret. 

And I remind myself that my life has been filled with music: I've sung at countless weddings and funerals, I was in a band that brought me much joy, I've impressed my 12 year old daughter with my vocal abilities (not an easy thing to do), I co-own a business in the music industry and I still have roughly 45 years ahead of me to make my dream a reality.  Plus there is always THIS. . .

Party over. . . .

Three Random Things. . .

This post is going to be very random, possibly dull and definitely weird.  I'll start out by saying that my Blackberry is slowly dying.  I thought it was a goner a few weeks ago, but it continues to limp along.  I have a strange, probably unnatural attachment to this particular phone that I've had for almost two years.  I don't want to replace it or recycle it.  I just want it to recover.  There isn't anything spectacular about it and lately I only use it when it's absolutely necessary so that I can make it last as long as possible, or at least until August when my T-mobile contract is over and I can get a free one when I sign up with Verizon.  Anyway, I took a few pictures with it this weekend in spite of trying not to use it and that is where this "interesting" post is coming from.

I'll start by saying that Zach and I have been playing Catan a lot lately.  A LOT.  I have an almost desperate sense that once our busy summer hits, the roller coaster will start and when it finally stops, Zach will be all grown up and going to college and there won't be any more texts that say, "Mom do you want to play Catan?"  I think that if he texted me in the middle of the night to ask that question, chances are good that I would get up and play.  Maybe I'm trying to make up for all of those times he asked me to play Candy Land or Chutes and Ladders and I was too busy.  Plus, I love Catan so it's not like some huge sacrifice. . .

Secondly, I have come to find out that there is a name for my reluctance to have people over to my house.  "Ataxaphobia: A fear of disorder or untidiness."  I'm an orderly person.  My life doesn't always sync with my desire to be orderly so at some point I just stopped inviting people over to my house.  It's interesting to note that I don't have this fear of other people's untidiness, just my own.  Since we started and (almost) finished our remodel, we've had several people come in and look around.  I still cringe when they look at the backyard but I'm getting more and more comfortable with having company in my house.  I also think it helps that I pulled out the fridge and cleaned behind it.  A friend of ours came by to drop off a CD for Rob and, normally, I would have had Rob meet him outside and/or down the street.  But this time, we invited him and his son inside . Maybe there is hope for me after all. . .

And lastly, this is what I found at about 9:30 a.m. on Saturday morning:

And I think that's enough random rambling for today. . .

SPLAT. . .

You think you know a person after 25 years but Rob has surprised me several times during this remodel adventure.  When Gloria wanted to paint her room purple, green and blue, I assumed we would have a battle on our hands getting Rob to give it the OK.  I was wrong.  He rolled his eyes a bit but then he spent hours and hours and hours detailing the edges and painting the bright colors in spite of his penchant for egg shell white.  Then I thought he'd draw the line at orange curtains.  Nope.  He bought a fancy curtain rod and hung them neatly over the windows on the purple walls.  When we were trying to decide on floor coverings and my sister suggested purple carpet, I didn't even want to mention it because I thought Rob would think it was the worst idea.  Ever.  But Gloria liked the idea, asked her daddy what he thought and next thing I know we are at RC Willey picking out purple carpet.  Finally, when Gloria told me she'd like to splatter paint her purple doors with blue, green and white paint, I rolled my eyes and said Rob would never go for that.  I guess I should stop saying never. . .

 (note: one benefit to having a scary/crappy backyard, ok the only benefit, is that it doesn't matter if you splatter paint all over it!!!!)

Company. . .

Just one of the benefits to the make-over in Gloria's room is that now she can have company over.  It's not like she hasn't had any friends over at all, but I haven't let her have any school friends over this year because her room has generally been kind of a disaster.  Her church friends, that have known her forever, just have to sign a waiver that they won't tell and they won't judge, but they're used to that.  Her school friends probably don't care either but I do.  I care way too much, I'm sure.  I haven't posted pictures of the finished project because, well, it isn't finished yet but it's finished enough that Gloria brought a friend home from school yesterday.  They had a great time!  I'm hoping this is just the first of many . . .

Garage Sale. . .

This weekend I was brutally reminded of why I swore off having garge sales over four years ago:  it is a thankless, profitless endeavor.  The weeks of sorting and tossing and purging junk culminated in filling my no-longer-organized garage as well as overflowing into the Uhaul parked next to the house.   I spent the better part of last week pricing and sorting our stuff onto tables just so I could open myself up to the perusal of strangers and neighbors on Saturday as they pawed through my stuff and gave me ridiculously low offers. Offers which I accepted.  And then it rained.  Not just sprinkles but horizontal wind and rain that threatened to blow the boxes of discarded, outgrown clothing right down the street.  Not my best day.  I did, however, have great help.  These four kids made and placed the signs and moved tables and boxes wherever I asked them to:

Sometimes I wonder if things around here will ever get back to normal.  Whatever that is. . .

Fish. . .

Gloria started swimming lessons the summer after she was born.  I think it was in July so she would have been about 7 months old.  She loved the water and we called her, "Fish".  Twelve years later she still loves the water and we still call her, "Fish".  She and Megan have taken swimming lessons at the Y every Spring Break for at least the last five years.  This was their last year and I think they made the most of it:

This is one of my favorite pictures EVER.  This was her very first swimming lesson: 

Every year I make her pose in a white chair similar to the one she was in at her very first lesson.  These two are from 2011 and 2008.  I'm so glad she doesn't mind posing for me!!